Lady of the Island

what a year.....

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 11:01:15 GMT

me and Tom broke up after a painful year

I fell in love with another man, we spent a summer by the waters at Wittlingham and sailing on his boat

I went exploring the Middle East

Christmas came and he told me he couldn't love me, it was cold but I had some amazing friends to save me

I turned 23, went back to Wittlingham and let the icy waters wash away some demons

I finished my second year at University

Me and Jo did a walk around the Norfolk coast

I went to Spain

Poppy is having a baby!

What's next? Third year at Uni starts in a month, lots of wonderful music stuff happening, incredibly content with being single and busy and surrounded by love and warmth.....life is good. x

Berlin!

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 15:13:52 GMT

I'm off to Berlin on Monday with a couple of friends from Uni, I was hoping to escape for some winter sun but I think the sights and sounds of Berlin will make up for the chilly weather.

I've also decided today after spending the last three hours buying stuff I don't need at all that I'm going to stop buying anything that isn't neccessary for a whole year, I'm fed up with thinking that I actually really need something when I know that I could get by fine without it. It's such hypocrisy of me to blabber on about the horrible consumerism over christmas and then wander out in January to buy a new coat, I don't need a new coat, I have a perfectly good one! How did I convince myself otherwise? So it's a year of minimal spending, which means maximum enjoyment because I can afford to do all the other lovely things like going to festivals and eating well.

Anything else, hmmm well I've stopped smoking (again, heh) and I feel a bit gheaojjfdhsjj!?*! but that's ok because I think I can stick with it this time, it's another thing in my life that just feels so unneccessary all of a sudden.

I'm longing for a bit of sunshine, spring time hurry up please......

more sadness

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:04:37 GMT

a lovely chap I work with died in a car crash last night, he was a really talented poet
http://ink-sweat-and-tears.blogharbor.com/blog/_archives/2007/12/13/3408005.html

I keep thinking about his girlfriend, she worked with him, they live together, they spent every moment together. It must be like someone cutting you in half and ripping a part of you away.

eventful few days...

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 22:26:20 GMT

...so friday morning I went it to work as usual, and by 11am I'd been forced to resign. Harriet had a meeting with me which consisted her of accusing me of not doing anything for two months. I agreed that my focus wasn't on work anymore as I'm leaving in July before Uni but it wasn't like I wasn't doing anything. Apparently she'd been 'monitoring' me which either is bullshit or means that the people I work with were spying on me for her, which hurts big time. My lack of focus was obviously damaging enough to Harriet Kelsall Jewellery Design Ltd that she felt the need to build up a case against me behind my back and with no verbal warning or respect. She says she gave me a formal verbal warning in our last meeting but that's a complete lie, she just asked mentioned in passing to regain my focus and said she was confident that I could.......formal verbal warning? Think not. I didn't have the energy or care enough to argue with her and she offered me the opportunity to leave on friday, hand in my keys and not come back even though they'd pay me until the end of June. So basically I behaved maturely, left amicably and now I feel fantastic because I have three weeks off on full pay to do whatever I want with. It's a shame that two years of my life have ended with me basically resenting the boss I worked for and her company, and it's a shame none of my colleagues shared the same respect I always had for them, if they'd spoken to me about this previously then I wouldn't feel so screwed over by the whole thing.

On the plus side I am free of the job that left me bored and miserable for the past couple of months, that didn't even come close to pushing my potential anymore and I am glad I got a kick to leave sooner and regain my life and creativity. I could have spent the next three weeks filling in spreadsheets, dealing with unhappy customers and packaging/posting out orders.........challenging stuff. Plans now, however, are to complete my album, go on holiday to Spain with Tom and spend lots of time painting, chilling out and having a good time with all the good people around me.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Mon, 28 May 2007 14:57:19 GMT

Also, this is a public LiveJournal request for poppy to tell me when we can go to wagamamas this week because I need wagamamas......it's an actual addiction.......

LoveLove

BLOC

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 11:49:27 GMT

just bought tickets for this...http://www.blocweekend.com/BLOC-HOME.php

Going instead of Glade this year because the line up is infinitely better than Glade's was last year(and probably this year too), and I won't have to sit listening to a load of Psy-Trance at this one! Plus being able to have a bath in a chalet? Yes please.

Excited.....

Granchester Morning

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 11:22:50 GMT

Gale force winds
Victims and broken walls
Trees over roads

I miss the hazey heat and sunshine of the summer so much it physically hurts.

G to the L to the ADE

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 09:22:04 GMT

The cat has fleas, but you can forgive him because he's so cute.

Played a ridiculously awful gig last week that I won't talk about.

My mumma is coming to stay over tomorrow night, bless her, we're going to get drunk and have our usual deep discussions about life. Then we're meeting Nikki in Camden on thursday for lunch and doing some exhibitions, classy ladies that we are.

Things are good.

Life is....

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 10:11:03 GMT

..... my new home

Pimms, picnics and cake

and our cat Schpongle, who is very tingly and very tangly

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Thu, 04 May 2006 12:04:27 GMT

I've been doing some recording, I got two tracks finished last week which just need to be fiddled with by my producer friend and are then ready to go on a demo. I have a rough copy of two of my tracks already which is really exciting and hopefully I'll have a finished product sometime soon.

Also I'm playing a gig at Bar Zest in Ely on saturday night, everybody must come and help me get drunk!

And......just put down a deposit on a new house in town! How exciting, hopefully all the paper work will go through fine and we can move in next week. It is a beautiful and huge house, but there will be 6 of us in it so it may get hectic.

bringing in my 20th year squiffily....

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 09:25:47 GMT

It's my Birthday

I'm having a nice day.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 16:17:51 GMT

this grey city looks like it needs a good clean

You and me, throwing light
throwing rays of spring

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 13:43:10 GMT

G to the L to the A.D.E

got mine and Tom's Glade tickets last night through the loyalty email. So that's our little holiday booked this year, trouble is everyone seems to be too poor this week to get tickets and they're gonna sell out soon. Justin, Ben and Claire are sorted too though and it'll be wicked no matter who's there. Just be better if the whole crowd could make it, there were 50+ of the cambridge scene last year.

Love and Light being sent to all.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 10:50:22 GMT

....I nearly got run over on the way to work by some dick in a ford fiesta. I got angry to the point of banging on his window and nearly opening the door and punching him in the face, I don't ever resort to violence but sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. He smirked at me, called me a 'fat bitch' and drove off, I don't wish ill of many but I wish him all the bad karma I can gather.

Tom rang me on my walk to work:
"Doofey! I've got tomorrow off, so have you, stay in bed and drink Chai Tea?"
"Thomas you are a fool"
"Aaaah Doofeyburgers I switched my Saturday off to a Thursday this week, good eh?"
"And yesterday I switched my thursday off to a Saturday so we could spend the weekend off together, WANK!"

And it isn't fixable so tomorrow I will have to work while Tom stays at home, and Saturday Tom has to work while I stay at home. Actually Saturday I'm going to see my mum instead, so I'm cooler than he is anyway.

I put the phone down, and then I nearly got run over.

And in better news, tonight we're going to see 65 Days of Static in Norwich, they're now my most seen band- 4 times, Holler!

It's my birthday in 26 days, and will be 18 years older than I was here..........

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 12:02:19 GMT

The duty of every human being is to realise his true Self, or in other words,
"know who we really are." She does not favour any particular religion. When asked to which religion she belongs, she says, “my religion is love and service.”

“Love is the foundation of a happy life. Knowingly or unknowingly we are forgetting this truth,” she says. Amma, on several occasions, has said that it is important not only to feel love but also to express it. “After all, love is our true nature. When we do not express love in our words and actions it is like honey hidden in a rock.“ She says, “it is of no use to anyone. This mutual sharing and expressing of love should begin at home between married couples and between parents and children. Only then will there be peace and harmony at home and in society.”

I could use Darshan with Amma right now.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 10:09:17 GMT

My dreads are driving me insane, patience little one.

Saw beautiful poppy yesterday and ate pesto pasta and chatted. Love her.

Tonight everyone is going to an all night house party but due to having to work at 8.30am tomorrow I am going to be a very very good girl and stay in. I'll listen to BBC Radio 4, read my encyclopedia of ancient religions and myths and do some dreadlock maintenance. It's Vaughn's (Tom's papa) 50th tomorrow so I'll be spending the evening in the pub dancing my truly best dad dances to Northern Soul music. The joys of a quiet weekend.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 12:21:50 GMT

drinking rose petal tea from my cafetiere at work, how classy am I.

love and good thoughts can travel through city storms....

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 12:30:42 GMT

Lisa had her baby, a little boy named Kai coming in this world at just under 4lbs. Mother and baby doing well.

I'm being unusually organised and writing myself a shopping list of things to fetch on my lunch break, including the orgasmic English Rose black tea from Whittards (expensive but worth every penny); a little mug of sweet smelling heaven infused with my very own alchemy, tea leaves sinking and settling and finally releasing their essence. Joy.

I have a very nothingness evening planned for once. Home (or andy's place) by 6.15, make lasagne and pop it in the oven, greet my lovely Thomas home from work with a cup of green tea, a kiss and a smile. We have the place empty tonight so nothing but lasagne, tea and all curled up on the sofa.

Some days things seem very peaceful

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:20:50 GMT

Plan for the next two years:

Work my self into the ground and save up the money.
Leave the country by this November, another winter in England and I'll destroy myself I swear.
Travel from then until next spring.
Come home.
Find a home.
Have another fantastic summer.
Start a course/college September 2007.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 14:40:18 GMT

Lisa (replaced my mum as head of art at Cit of Ely college for all those Elyians) went into labour 6 weeks early, I don't know how she or baby is yet, waiting for status reports. Please send all your love and light to her and the little one.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 13:18:04 GMT

If I squint, the city through my eyelashes looks all black
with headlight stars and street light planets.

Charlotte's moving to Australia, I'm moving to Mill Road in Cambridge. There's a difference and this city is getting to me like a buzz getting louder.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 13:01:23 GMT

a man came into the shop today and wanted a ring box, he'd had a ring made by a friend of his but didn't have a box to present it in, and as it was an engagement he wanted to make it look lovely. He said he'd pay whatever he had to for a box and some ribbon but I said he could have one for free, so as he left and gave me thanks he slipped me £10 and told me to look after myself and thanked me for the box. It feels a little like Karma, I had £500 stolen from my account over the weekend, it was all my wages and everything gone, I barely have enough to buy food with. I wish I'd had time to tell him but £10 will buy my dinner for the next 4 days and he will never know how much my faith in humanity is restored by random acts of kindness.

Wings of flight and time like laughter lines

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 09:50:39 GMT

Me and Tom are staying in Cambridge again until we get a place sorted out, which will hopefully be soon. A part of me likes being nomadic and a part of me needs a base, somewhere to call some kind of home. I miss the sunshine and the warmth.

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Fri, 10 Jun 2005 17:02:32 GMT

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

filled_with_defiance@hotmail.com — Wed, 08 Jun 2005 11:08:22 GMT

what a funny old week. I had an interview for Norwich School of Art and Design last thursday and it went absolutely terribly, like unbelievably badly and I came off sounding like a complete twat. Yeh, so that was horrible but whats even wierder is they've offered me a place, they've actually offered the small, psychotic girl a place on their course and there's only 30 places. So, that's wierd, very good and nice but wierd all the same.
Other than that strawberry fair was nice, got to see lots of nice people but I had to escape fairly early and get people to get me home, there were about 6 of us sitting in Clowns nursing hot chocolates and all we wanted to do was snuggle on my sofa and listen to Pink Moon. Everyone else went raving whilst we snuggled and drank cheap wine. Sunday we cured our comedowns and hangovers by going to the seaside, we had a fire and attempted to eat something at Warbleswick. We also ended up in a Little Chef at 10pm ordering loads of cooked breakfasts and I sat there feeling listening to the poor imitation jazz on the stereo and feeling like I was part of an Edward Hopper painting.
Monday and Tuesday I have little recollection of except I managed to get some job stuff sorted, and CV's printed and such. Yesterday I fell asleep in the Garden until Kelso got home and got me a glass of wine. Also two people I know have landed themselves in hospital this weekend with hand injuries, it's all gone very soap opera.
Last night danny came round and we cooked sausages and watched High Fidelity before realising we are actually complete music elitists and our calling in life is opening a record store with a small venue and cafe upstairs/downstairs. We've been playing 'top fives' all morning. Now I'm back in Ely for a few hours getting together the last of my stuff, then I'm off back home to maybe go watch Star Wars and then go see a band I've been informed I must see.
Enough of the madness.